Why I'm Doing This
by RavensWood
Summary: What was going on in Tess and Liz's minds in the last hour of Tess' life? Please R&R.


Title: Why I'm doing this

Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell. I'm just a fan writing a fic for entertainment purposes. Some of the lines of this fic were taken from the transcript of Four Aliens and a Baby and are not mine; I just borrowed them for accuracy.

Category: Liz/Tess (not slash)

Summary: What was going through Tess and Liz's minds during Tess' final moments?

A/N: A lot of people hate Tess. I don't care for her very much but I did think that she was terrible heroic and extremely brave at the end. It was a good end to a twisted life.

A/N 2: Some of you may have read this when it was on the Alien Blast site under the penname NarielRain78 or MidKnightJinx. Did that site go away for good or is it somewhere else now? If anyone knows one way or the other, please, let me know in a review. Honestly, a girl goes away for a few months and suddenly it's gone! Oh, and for everyone else, please R&R!

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Tess:

I watch her sleep for a minute or two. She seems so fragile, yet there is so much strength in her. I've already said goodbye to Zan. I think he knows he'll never see me again. It's the only way to keep him safe. If I go they'll all be safe. I wake her before I lose my nerve.

"Liz, wake up."

"What?"

"Why didn't you vote against me?"

"Because I'm not a killer, Tess."

That one hurt, but I know I deserved it. I killed Alex, the only one besides Kyle that befriended me. He gave me his friendship, no questions asked, and I used him until nothing was left. She has every right to hate me. I'm a monster.

"Liz…I need a favor. I need you to drive me somewhere."

She gets up from the sofa. I have to admire her. After everything I've done, she's still willing to help me. No wonder Max loves her so much.

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Liz:

I had to help her. Something in her blue eyes called out to me, and it wasn't her mind-warp. She was a girl, a woman in fear for her child's life. I spent so much time despising her. When I first saw her at Michael's I wanted nothing more than to kill her. But then I saw how she held Little Zan. I saw the depth of her love for him. I remembered what I saw when Max kissed me after we rescued him from the White Room. As much as I hated her, I just couldn't be the one to send her to that place. I WOULDN'T be the one to explain to that baby that it was me who gave the final order for his mother's torture and execution.

So, I get up and we walk to the car.

"Where are we going?" I ask her silent form as I turn the key in the ignition.

"To the facility," she answers simply. I know she means the one with her wrecked ship. But why would she willingly go back there? I look at her face. She's scared but her mind is made up. So I drive her there.

Neither of us speaks a word during the whole drive. I can't explain it but I feel a small amount of pride swell in my chest. I decided not to kill her, and here she is, doing this of her own free will. I have to admire her courage. I've put my life on the line before, but she is downright giving hers up.

I pull to a stop just outside the outer fence of the compound. We sit in silence, neither of us wanting to voice what we both know is about to happen.

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Tess:

I sit here in the passenger seat. Neither of us speaks a word. I'm glad that she's the one I'm spending my last moments with on this planet. Nascedo raised me to be a cold, cruel, manipulative murderer, a temptress, and a liar. When he died I thought I could be normal. But his words, his brainwashing, got to me. Max never loved me like Nascedo said he would. I had Kyle, but then he too didn't want me. I pleaded to God and Buddha, and to whatever higher power could hear me that Kyle would take it back, that he would tell me he was joking. But he didn't. All the fears Nascedo instilled in me were realized. I would never fit in here and I would never be accepted here. So I went along with our original plan. Get the computer nerd to decipher the book, get Max to knock me up, and get them to activate the Granolith. Liz's little investigation ended up working in my favor. They found the translated version of the book and gave it to Max. No long drawn out explanations of how I managed to translate it.

But every time I kissed Max, every time he touched me, all I ever saw was Liz. He loved her so much more than he ever loved me, in this life or the last. Liz was and is everything that I've ever wanted to be. She's smart, funny, beautiful, and people love her. That's why I'm going to tell her the truth.

"Max loves you. Every time we were together, every time we kissed, he was thinking of you. He had these flashes…that I saw…and…they were always of you."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, I know how much it must've hurt you."

For a moment she just looks at me with the most curious expression on her face.

"So…You're really gonna do this, huh?"

Finally, what we both know but neither of us wanted to say.

"At least I can do one good thing with my life."

"You just did." I'm so happy to hear her say that, I could almost cry. I'm about to open the door to leave when she speaks again.

"Hey, Tess! You're not gonna let them throw you in the White Room, are you?"

"No."

The final nail in the coffin…now we both understand that this is truly goodbye.

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Liz:

Tess sat there for a moment and just stared at me. Then she smiled. We both know that it was my way of thanking her. I turn my head and look straight forward. She sits for a moment longer and I don't blame her. She's savoring her last bit of life. She's so brave. She opens the door and steps out. I hear her footsteps on the gravel outside. I sit here listening until I no longer hear her footsteps. But I wait. I don't start the car back up. I'm thinking about what she said about Max's feeling for me. He loves me. He's loved me the whole time, even when he was with her. I'm grateful that she chose to share that with me. If the situation wasn't so grim I might have laughed.

When I saw her in Michael's apartment, I wanted nothing less than her death. Now…I have to stop myself from jumping out of this car, running to her, and telling her that we'll find another way. But I know she wants this and I have no right to take it away from her. She's lead a less than admirable life, she's hurt people, she's used people, she's killed people, and this is her way of trying to balance out what she did. She's taking herself out of the equation and hopefully a few of our government foes as well. It's an honorable ending and, as much as I want to, I know I can't take it from her.

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Tess:

I melt my way through the fence. And I don't know why but there's a smile on my face. I feel her still there. She sits and waits in the car. I know it's because she doesn't want me to die alone.

There…I said it…I'm going to die. It seems a very quiet night. I only hear my own footsteps. I draw comfort from her sitting there in the car. All the things I've done and been run through my head. There's not much I'm proud of there. Many of the things I've done are horrible, many are terrible, and few are the things I'm proud of doing.

I enter the building…alarms go off…armed soldiers attack me…but I'm not afraid…I feel her presence…guiding me through…I reach the main reactor…the power builds inside me…I force the energy blast out…even as my body is riddled with bullets…the reactor begins to melt down…only moments left…I'm doing this for Zan…I'm doing this for the others…most of all, I'm doing this for her…for Liz.

Liz…please forgive me.

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Liz:

Oh My God! The blast is ear shattering, even from this distance. Tears roll down my cheeks, my mouth opens silently. I don't know what to do or to say. I sit here floundering for a moment. With a shaking hand I start the car. Quiet sobs rack my body. She just died. She gave her life for us. She saved us by making the ultimate sacrifice.

I drive through the streets of Roswell trying to clear my vision. My eyes are clouded and blurred by the tears that seem to have no end. Somehow I make it back to Isabel and Jesse's place. I walk through the door. No sooner than I close the door Michael grabs my arm.

"Liz, where have you been? Where's Tess?" He whispers in my ear. I shake my head slightly. He studies my face for a second. Realization dawns on his.

"The blast…that explosion…that was…?" I nod my head slowly. I expected him to smile, considering he voted against her. But what I see shocks me. It's not relief and elation that flashes across his face, but shock and remorse. What he says shocks me even more.

"Well…God have mercy on her soul." He walks to the window and looks out. I slip away toward the bedroom leaving him with his thoughts. I open the door soundlessly but little Zan is already awake. His eyes fall on me with a questioning look. I sit on the edge of the bed and pick him up. He knows, somehow, he knows what's happened to his mother. I rock back and forth with him in my arms, fresh tears spilling from my eyes.

She did it for Max, Isabel, and Michael…

She did it for little Zan…

She did it for us all…

Tess…I forgive you.

The End.


End file.
